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I feel like I am running out of time with my Ph.D. The struggle is indeed very real, but to be honest, it’s already worth it. 

I had brunch with my Ph.D. friends recently and we were all going through an especially difficult bout of imposter syndrome. Here we all were, past the halfway point, trying to complete a Ph.D. in the midst of a pandemic and an economic recession. The idea of quitting has crossed my mind more than once, really because it was incepted by those who’ve said I should get a real job and earn some real money. Fair enough, and that’s something that I really need after I graduate. All of us in the group pretty much share the fear of finishing and then being unemployed. 

One of my really wise friends in the group though asked us to pause and see if we could reframe our current situation and our fears. What did we want out of life, what kind of life did we want to live? We all wanted to live a meaningful and happy life. We wanted the ability to do the things we love. She stopped us there and said, “well isn’t a Ph.D. something that we all wanted to do”. Yes. I am already doing something that I’ve always wanted to do, while also managing my own household and keeping a roof over my head. I feel very grateful. 

Joy is an inside job.