Self-doubt & graduate work
Now that I am in the latter half of my degree, I am finding the prospect of getting a full-time job increasingly worrying. I am constantly wondering if I am good enough and whether I would be able to keep up in a full-time industry job.
This is when my self-doubt comes in. I start to doubt my abilities, my intelligence and the feasibility of my goals. When I think about how often these feelings worry me, the more I realise that it is an unhealthy thought process. When I say it out loud, it sounds crazy.聽I am literally worrying if I am good enough to work full time in a job I haven鈥檛 even applied for.
This is when my self-doubt turns to feelings of anxiety.聽I worry that when I start to seriously apply for聽different jobs that I won't get one or even worse, I will end up working聽a job that I absolutely hate. I even end up worrying about how my first day at a new job will go. I worry about fitting in and being valued, learning the new systems and undoubtedly making mistakes. Once again, I have found that this line of thought can be really tiring, unhelpful and counterproductive.
Lately I have been trying to put these thoughts out of my mind. If I find a聽position or graduate opportunity that I am interested in, I'll just apply. I tell myself that all I聽can do is try.聽No more thinking. I either get the position or I don鈥檛 and I will cross those bridges when I come to them. Secondly, I have attended two careers workshops for interviewing practice and employment help. I must admit that I didn鈥檛 think they would lead to much and would most likely be another round of lecture slides. However, I found the sessions really helpful, engaging and methodical. They聽helped me find some structure in my goals and and helped me improve how I go about conducting an interview. In an odd way, talking about what employers want and how I can demonstrate my skills聽helped me to stop over-thinking and self-doubting and reflect on what I have done.聽聽
Finally, even though it is hard, I try to think of the big picture. In part, I think the big picture message is that I will probably work in dozens of different industries and jobs and have some good ones, some great ones and some really bad ones. However, I also think that we can choose what we value and our goals. At the end of the day, what we value is聽only what we tell ourselves matters聽and聽I should always be in control of that. I also like to remind myself why I want a particular job or why I feel so much pressure to do something in particular.聽When I ask that I usually find an answer that is quite simple. I like and value lots of different things and there will always be an interesting adventure out there.