Learning to say no
Image accessed from 23 August 2020.
鈥淵ou need to learn how to say no鈥 is a common piece of life advice that has taken me a while to fully appreciate.
I already know how to say no, I learnt that at a very young age. Why would I need to learn how to say it now?
The reason is, that I鈥檓 a people pleasing moron.
I want to say yes to everything. In fact, I think I have been saying yes to everything for quite a while. I don鈥檛 think it鈥檚 normal to have more than three volunteering obligations鈥
I guess I want to be as productive as I can, and I also like helping people out. While I think these are good things; it doesn鈥檛 help anyone for me to be overworked, overstretched and overcommitted.
Sometimes this makes me very tired and grumpy. One of the most infuriating scenarios I have encountered is when one of the obligation-givers says, 鈥淲hat makes you so busy?鈥 I have thus far shrugged off my desire to be adversarial. I have聽suppressed the urge to explain that the thing that makes me so busy is the combined effort of helping people who have sought my assistance (including that person asking).
I鈥檝e heard 鈥渓earning to say no鈥 be phrased as 鈥渂uilding the muscle of saying no鈥 which I think raises an important point. Knowing my precise limitations and capabilities is a skill that takes practice and time to master. Sometimes I will be able to take on extra obligations, and sometimes I won鈥檛. It鈥檚 all a matter of balance. Part of developing that skill is not just accepting opportunities, but also turning them down.
For tips and advice on managing your relationships and wellbeing, visit the 成人大片 Wellbeing Hub.