Am I good enough?
Perfectionism to me means thinking about all the things I could, and should be doing. Perfect grades, perfect sleep schedule, perfect exercise routine. The terrible thing about this, is that I feel so much pressure to do all these things perfectly, that I end up putting them off and procrastinating.
鈥淭his is really important鈥 I tell myself. I start thinking about what I expect from myself. I want it to be the best version of this thing that anyone has ever seen, it needs to be pHD level researched, people need to be stunned by it. Except when it comes down to it, I don鈥檛 know if I can meet these expectations of myself. What if I can鈥檛? What鈥檚 the point in doing this thing if it isn鈥檛 perfect? What if I鈥檓 just not good enough?
So I self sabotage, and don鈥檛 put time into the thing. When the thing has a deadline, it means that I don鈥檛 actually leave enough time to do my best, let alone do it perfectly. I guess the reason behind this is that even if my results aren鈥檛 perfect, at least I have an excuse. I can say that it would have been perfect if I鈥檇 only put more time into it. While I can live with being a procrastinator, I鈥檓 terrified of putting as much work as I can into something and still falling short.
I don鈥檛 want to have my potential capped by this way of thinking. If I keep living life like this I鈥檒l never know what I could have been capable of if I just put effort into things. I鈥檓 not going to be perfect, I know that. Something is better than nothing though. Maybe I will be the most pathetic person who has ever exercised, but that doesn鈥檛 mean I shouldn鈥檛 do it. Maybe I鈥檒l get the lowest grade in the class, but that doesn鈥檛 mean I shouldn鈥檛 put effort into an assignment. Maybe I鈥檒l never end up getting a full 8 hours every night, but that doesn鈥檛 mean I shouldn鈥檛 sleep.
I like having high standards, but I think sometimes I put too much pressure on myself to be perfect, instead of just doing my best.