There's always SOMETHING
It feels like there’s just always something. Everything is going pretty well overall except for just one area that really isn’t.
In high-school, there always seemed to be one subject I didn’t enjoy and performed poorly in. I’d tell myself that, once I dropped that subject, everything would be perfect. Except a new something would take its place. I found that the same thing has just kept happening. Whether it’s an extracurricular commitment, a person whom I don’t get on very well with, or university subject, there’s always one thing that I have to soldier through.
When I am in these situations I end up sitting there asking myself, ‘Why am I even here?’ Honestly, the whole thing is just making me feel bad about myself, and I don’t seem to get that much out of it. There’s a strong argument that it’s just a complete waste of my time. I don’t want to be there, other people don’t want me to be there. Why do I have to do this?
My response has been to perform my commitments and obligations and then assess whether there is a good reason to continue with whatever the something happens to be. I think this is the right response. There’s no point chaining yourself to something that is draining, which you are not productive in, but it’s also not good to quit too easily.
Maybe the reason I experience this feeling of there always being something going wrong, is because there is just always going to be something I enjoy the least in life. When I don’t enjoy something, I probably prioritise it less and don’t push myself to do well. Over time, that means the something ends up becoming a chore and feeling painful, because of the distinction between that something and the things I do enjoy and am putting my effort into. If I put a bit more motivation into the thing I don’t enjoy, maybe I would start enjoying it a lot more.
Now that I think about it, it’s probably a good thing that there’s always something that feels like it’s not going so well, because it means I’m trying out a number of different things and am giving myself the opportunity to grow through situations I find challenging.